Tis the Season-The Cleavers Part Two

cleaver, originally uploaded by jenjram.

****CAUTION CAUTION Use of strong language in this post. I have small children and don't use strong language very often anymore as you have to "learn it out" of your vocabulary or it will come back to bite you (as in a two year old repeating your "oh shit" in the backseat of the car while you are trying to merge in traffic).....and it's even left my writing for the most part. But every once in awhile, I've got to let loose, you know? If you get offended easily, you may choose to skip this post. I am doing a vent of sorts and will return to "normal" (or some degree thereof) at the next post CAUTION CAUTION****

How apropos that I chose to blog about the family that I will affectionately refer to as The Cleavers this week. (See They're Not the Cleavers to those that missed the fun) Actually there really was no rhyme or reason for it this particular week other than I just got tired of seeing their smug little faces in the air every time I tried to wave at them. Really what the hell did we did we do to these people to make them so bitter?

Two days ago, I got the mail, and there was something that looked like our quarterly bill from our Homeowner's Association, so I let it lie. Anyway, my husband was opening the mail last night, and he said, "Shit." According to the Homeowner's Association, someone kindly informed them that apparently, and of course, we don't know it was "them", but who else is going to do this bullshit stuff...there have been a couple instances where we have left newspapers lying in the driveway/porch for longer than a day and they claim that there have been instances where the trash cans have not been taken up inside the garage "after an appropriate period of time"..which means Friday evening (trash day). Fuckity, Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

First, the only time, we ever had an issue with the trash can was when we went on vacation on Labor Day several months ago. You think they'd forgive us that one instance. We really had no choice but to let our trash cans sit out. It isn't something we consistently do. Not ever. Second, I love my Wall Street Journal, but you know what? Sometimes, when I've had a cranky baby, and my husband's been on a business trip....I forget that the FUCKING PAPER EXISTS! And even though I go out during the day to run errands, I don't even notice that damn paper is sitting there. Now, I understand that a Home Association is in place to beautify a neighborhood, but for goodness sakes....the paint is not chipping off the exterior of my home, my dog is not running loose in the neighborhood, we have a weekly landscaper come for lawn maintanance so the grass isn't out of control....for GOODNESS SAKES....I JUST HAVE TWO FRIGGIN' NEWSPAPERS IN MY DAMN DRIVEWAY AND A FOUR MONTH OLD BABY AND A TWO YEAR OLD SON AND SOMETIMES A HUSBAND WHO IS NOT HOME FOR SEVERAL DAYS. SOMETIMES I DO NOT REMEMBER. I was just thinking, I still have a Halloween plug in pumpkin on my front porch, I was wondering if I was going to get written up for that soon because I haven't removed it from my porch.

Who has the time to turn people in for this stuff? And why? Why? I barely have time to schedule dr's appointments for myself, and someone has free time to try to persecute others for petty things? Why aren't they trying to foster positive neighbor relationships? My husband and I were sitting there last night trying to think why they are trying to do this to us and we don't understand it. We are really quiet down to earth people. I got a DHL express package this week (the second time it has happened) left at my door accidently with their address on it. My "vengeful" side says just get rid of it. Burn it. Stomp on it. Rip it up. They probably wouldn't even give it to you. But of course, like a good neighbor, I walk it over and place it on their doorstep.

Simply because we're not like them.

But I still want to think of a way to "get them back" Or a way to let them know that I know that they are the ones reporting us to the home owner's association. Or a way to "kill them with kindness" so much that it makes them uncomfortable. I don't know. I guess I am vengeful. But in a sneaky way. In a way that wants to teach them that they should be nicer.