The other night I was holding my daughter, Isabel, and my son, Ian, was sitting alongside me. I was drinking a bottle of water. Of course, Ian always insists that I share my water with him, and so, we have this ritual in which we pass the bottle back and forth. This time, however, six month old, Isabel, seemed to show an interest in what we were doing. So, for the first time, we included her in the ritual. Her arms were flapping in excitement and little baby coos and screams were heard when she was trying to indicate it was her turn for a drink of water. Oh how funny it was to have another member of the family assimilate to our habits, and yet assert her own little personality! It was one of those little snapshot moments I won't forget...passing around a water bottle at 9PM.
Then, I started thinking again about how you really fall in love with your children. I don't care if they are biological or adopted, I think it really is a process and it really does not happen overnight. I have heard all kinds of things on boards....from worries that they won't bond to an adopted child like a biological child to no worries that they will bond to a child and that it will happen instantaneously. I think what bonds you to a child is experience. It is not the biological tie. I also think you need to be somewhat prepared to not instantly bond with your child as it is a process.
We fall in love with our children through shared experiences. We fall in love with them through caring for them through all their sleepless nights and sick days and the times that they fell down and got "owies". We fall in love with them for teaching us about ourselves and selflessness. We fall in love with them for their goofy laughter and spontaneousness and their ability to bring our young selves out. We fall in love with them for their compassion and innocence. We fall in love with them for their openness...for their chance to be little, to be young, to love life to the fullest.
....So as I watched my youngest drink from the water bottle...something so minor...I was reminded how much she had become a part of my family, how much I had nutured her everyday.....How the three of us were sitting there giggling about something as silly as drinking water from a bottle. And that made me pretty happy.
And I realized I had fallen deeply, madly, in love once again.
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4 comments:
Amen, amen, amen. I couldn't agree more. Well said.
I do agree, but there is the "my baby is the most beautiful baby" thing, too. When my son was born, I had it...I thought it was a biological, I just gave birth thing. Then on "gotcha day" I met Gracie. And I felt EXACTLY the dame way! My baby was the cutest out of all of them!! I guess it is a "mommy" thing!
Lisa
I agree! I have two biological kids that it took me MONTHS to bond to. ANd I still fall in love with them everyday!
Thank you for such a wonderful description of love for your children....
I quoted you on my blog - i want to remember it always. I was adopted myself and adopting --it really did touch me.
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