Take a Step Back and Look At Yourself. Really Look At Yourself. Your Daughter Will Be Judged. Are you Judgmental?
I was just over on an adoption board reading a thread which had gotten a bit long. Apparently, on that board, the blog, American Family, is obviously not well liked and the writer not very well respected. I'm not going to get into the initial point of the post, but ultimately, it got sidetracked, and all people did is give their personal opinions of the writer of the blog, which were very negative. Very, very negative.
Now, first, to address the initial issue. I read this blog from time to time. Yes, it is pretty much on the edge. Yes, there are definitely things that I do differently as a parent than she does or that I sometimes bring into question. We all parent in our own way. However, she sometimes has great insight in some of her more serious posts on culture. The point is, it is a longstanding blog. It is supposed to be funny and silly and even offensive at times. Choose not to read it if that bothers you. It actually took me several times to get into it because it was kind of strangeish to me. And I am not defending this blog in particular...I'm defending all blogs that are edgy or provide the author's a way to vent or go above and beyond just a journaling of what your child did that day.
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death, and I like writing about them. I want to write about my adoption, too, and my happy moments. However, we're adults, and if we have unhappy moments and want to share a curse word among each other, why can't we? It bothers me so that some seemingly "caring" people will trash a person to shreds if the blog doesn't meet "adoption" standards. Many people were saying an adoption blog is not a place for "curse" words. What does that mean? What is an adoption blog, per se? Is mine an adoption blog? Or is mine more of a general blog with an adoption component? Make mine the latter please.
Because I do want freedom of expression, for goodness sakes. There are a (very large..)contingent of people who really do believe that an "adoption blog" is all lollipops and puppies and sunshine....
Are these the same people who were writing about the realities of parenthood and the frustration you face as parents...and please don't shake your baby...but then we can't blog about the frustrations we face as parents because that wouldn't be prudent on an adoption blog?
We just have to internalize everything?
Good gosh...one of the reasons I think these blogs are great for the people who use them especially well is that feelings are emoted, others identify, we learn that we aren't alone. If we have to vent in curse form, so be it. It's much better on here than in front of our children. If we have to use sarcasm. So be it. It's much better to release it here..and let it go then take it out on our spouse. If we have a particular funny moment to share, share it..so we don't have to laugh alone.
Take a Step Back Sometime and Ask Yourself If You Are Being Too Judgmental Of Others?
Even If It Appears You Are Somehow "Right".
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7 comments:
Very well put. What can be even more annoying when people on opposite sides of an issue (posted on person's blog) us the blog comments as a debate forum.
DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.
The PC police are ALWAYS right. And if they do or post something that might be considered hypocritical, then it isn't hypocritical...because they crowned themselves the authority of what is "right" and what is "wrong" for the adoption community.
Kudos to you...I completely agree. When I saw that one of your entries was actually a topic posted by another blogger who was upset by your post-I was surprised because it was said that "this is not what i read adoption blogs for". Is there a universal reason? Are there rules to adoption blogs?? I appreciate the honesty and I am not forced to read people's blogs-it is my choice.
Two of things that I love the most about adoption blogs is the honesty-even when brutal and the fact that we are all different but going through the same situation. "Those" people just need to lighten up.
Love your blog-so please don't go all PC on me;)
Jen,
This is why I rarely read the "adoption forums". And I consider my blog to be about my family, not just adoption...a family that just happens to be formed through adoption...I hope they don't start reading it...although I could really care less about what these people think...
Lisa
Very well put, Kudos to you for being yourself. I thought that is what our "personal" blogs were about us and who we are. If someone doesn't like a blog DON'T read it. DUH! Freedom of speach?
Jen, we all judge and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's just a bunch of different preferences and opinions and nobody is forced to agree with any of it.
For the record, the *beef* over that blog wasn't the vulgarity. It was the posting of the picture of the Harrah family and the use of the word "freaky" when describing the appearance of one of the adopted kids. Then the blog author's comment that the Harrah family "pimps out their kids" (posted under the image of the huge errect penis). That's a pretty controversial statement and it sure does invite discussion and debate! *Discussion groups* do that sort of thing, ya know? ::wink::
I have a really large blogroll and I thoroughly enjoy keeping up with all my blogging friends this way. But I've removed blogs from my blog roll when they've gotten over-the-top political or when the author lacks the creativity to come up with anything other than 8th grade vulgarity to describe minor annoyances. But that's my prerogative! Just like it's their prerogative to drop the F-bomb four times in each sentence! There's no judgement of right or wrong -- it's just preferences!
:)
Donna
GENIUS!!!! You are SOOOOO right! I am now so overly cautious so that I don't get a spanking from someone out there in cyberspace when I post to our blog - ridiculous - it is MY blog! Great post - thanks for a dose of reality for all of the PC folks out there who are anxious to criticize anyone.
Cheers!
:)
I know this is late, but I just want to point out, to be fair, that the word "freaky" was used in describing how much one of the daughters looked like the father. It was commenting on the resemblence, and whether or not it's true that the CCAA uses dossier photos to match babies and parents. And the photo posted is one that the agency uses in their advertising on on their website. It's not like she went into their house and stole it off their dresser.
We all should write what we want, and let everyone else decide whether or not to read it. Geez.
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