Bryan and I had a disagreement last night. Well, for us, it was a fight. It doesn't happen too often. We were going along having a great evening, and then the moment happened when it all fell apart. He was hurt and went about the rest of the evening quiet, and I was silent and tearful. We don't fight with loud words thrown around, but the tension is there nevertheless.
Then there are the children. You still have the children in the middle of this. You can't just huff off, be selfish, and think of yourself. I suppose if we were a dysfunctional family of some sort we would scream and yell and drag the kids in the middle or forget about them.
But we're not. Well, we're not screamers, first of all. I always think of those people on Dr. Phil (for example) who agree to go "on camera" at home and then proceed to belittle each other. Holy moly. Why did those people marry in the first place? And what are they like when the camera is taken out of the house?
However, most importantly, the children matter most of all. So, as much as I wanted to go and not be around Bryan for that moment, I had to sit there and interact with him as we sat there and played with our two children.
And a funny thing happened. My son started goofing off with a dancing Elmo and doing the "Hokey Pokey". My daughter started her silly nine month old sway dancing that she just started doing, in which she either shakes her shoulders or her rear end. My husband and I just started cracking up laughing. We just had to start talking to each other again about what they were doing.
I started to cool down. I saw the love that we both shared for these children. It made me realize that what we were disagreeing about was pretty insignificant compared to what really mattered in our lives and the love that sustains this relationship.
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6 comments:
You are totally right what does matter most? I find myself getting caught up in meaningless, selfish, petty garbage, when really all of that energy could be spent someplace more meaningful, like shopping!! (kidding) sort of.
It is hard. Sometimes when we are having a "discussion" Cameron will say "don't fight". But I want him to learn that we can disagree respectfully...I hope you worked it out!
Lisa
You are right - most of our fights seem very insignificant when you look at the "big picture." I ditto what Lisa said about being respectful to each other. Oh, and about Dr. Phil. Not only are these couple fighting in front of their children, but then having in taped for the whole country to see. Are they nuts?
Thanks for sharing this - so nice to read about a "real" couple that actually CAN have disagreements without going nutso on each other or in front of the kiddies.
Debate and respectful disagreement is ok - and, in this case, your kids being kids helped to lighten the "grown up" load a bit.
Here is the cool part though - obviously, you and your hubs have similar senses of humour (a BIG bonus)....that coupled with great communication skills will carry you through any cloudy day (no, I'm not a therapist...I just play one on TV! :)
Kim
Thanks for sharing.... kiddos really put things in perspective... Now hand me the tissue....
Lisa
You know, I was thinking about how so few people discuss their "disagreements" in blogs, yet (duh) we're human. I had a "disagreement" with wifey this weekend, also. So yeah, I can relate.
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