Vacation

My vacation was wonderful and relaxing. Being in recovery, it also was different. However, because I have been working day by day to understand the reasons why I used to drink, this vacation was extremely beneficial to me. Gone were the afternoons of getting a few drinks by the pool and the evenings dressing up, going out to nice restaurants and sharing a bottle of wine. Not that fine restaurants might not return to my itineraries; however, at this point, they are a bit of a trigger for me because I enjoyed a really good bottle of wine with a nice dinner. In place of those things, I learned how to relax and enjoy my vacation. Bryan and I were always a bit spontaneous, but now we were even more so. I was not worried this vacation about how I looked, where we were going to have dinner and get drinks, and making sure our hotel room was well stocked with wine from the local store.

We drove around the island, unconcerned about what time we got back. We bought carry out dinners and ate them in our room. We swam in the ocean. We went to the pool and the hot tub at night. I spent money on a couple spa treatments. I did not care about wearing makeup. I did not wear half the clothes I brought because all I wore everyday was a bathing suit, shorts and a tee shirt. I did not need my dresses. I did not need my skirts. I did not worry about impressing anyone. We basked in the sun and well, yes, we bought a timeshare. (but I did it sober!)

The point is I don’t think I have ever gone swimming at night since I was a little kid. I don’t think I have been in the ocean as many times as I was on this trip. I had Bryan drive to a distant, beautiful beach when we were touring the island one day and it was getting close to 6PM. It was well worth the drive. I would never have done that before. I would have been too concerned about “having fun in the evening”, getting dressed up and heading out for dinner and drinks. I savored every moment and truly absorbed the beauty of the world. As corny as that may sound, it was not something I used to appreciate. I truly enjoyed the moments of every day that we spent there. Life is beautiful on so many levels.

When I was asking people about how/what/why they drank on vacation in one of my previous posts, one of my readers likened having a few drinks on vacation to having a spa treatment. That really helped me put it into perspective. A drink was not an indulgence for me in past vacations. It was a necessary element in my vacations. It was a necessary element in my life.

There were a couple times when I struggled a bit. Things were a little hectic the first night we got there, and Bryan and I were a bit cranky with one another. I instantly felt the need to smooth out my out of control feelings with a drink. That same thing happened upon our departure. I am learning how to find other coping mechanisms every time that need for a drink arises, though. I know if I can just make it through, I will be a little bit stronger in the long run.

I know if I make it through today without a drink, life will be a little bit sweeter.