They're Not The Cleavers

the cleavers, originally uploaded by jenjram.

My husband and I "upgraded" houses about a year ago and moved into a pretty nice, large, new build house. If you are familiar with California, you know you usually have to start in a shoebox, and live on top of each other for a couple years, until your investment pays off, and then and only then, you can actually buy something with some breathing room after making some sacrifices. At least that's what we had to do...Bryan was just getting out of a sticky divorce a few years back and I had to buy the first house on my own before we were first married. I was still working then, so to make a long story short...moving to this new neighborhood, was a huge goal of ours. A big lot, lots of square footage, and lots of room for more babies. (just kidding, Bryan..or am I?)

Well, I guess I thought in the process, the neighbors would be friendlier. OK, I guess I am a little shy at times when getting to know people, but I always try and smile and say hi and am not difficult to approach. The next door neighbors keep to themselves quite a bit. They don't bother us, but they just aren't that friendly. We hear them in their backyard a lot, but that's about it. We heard a very drunken party one weekend. We think maybe he's a salesman? It sounded like fun. Unfortunately, we don't know what the party was for, and we weren't invited. Oh well.

But I guess what this post is really about is the neighbors across the street. I don't know what their problem is, but I seriously think it's me. Or maybe it's just people in general, but I don't think they like us..or maybe me..or maybe I'm paranoid..is someone out to get me...I see code in newspapers...I'm being watched....there's an alien coming out of the electric socket...oh, where was I?...OK, so, The husband and wife have constant scowls on their faces. CONSTANT. SCOWLS. It scares me. At least when they see me. Today when I was driving home and pulling in my garage, I smiled and waved, and the husband, wife, and 12 year old boy all did one of those glance to the side things where you know they are trying to avoid looking at you because they don't want to wave to you things...WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?

And then last week, my dog, big, sweet, dumb, lovable, Timmy, ran out the door while I was lugging in a UPS package into my house and ran straight towards (you guessed it) my friends across the street...who just happened to arrive home and were getting out of their car. Timmy ran into their garage. Now, you might not be a dog lover like I, so OK, I understand if you don't want him all over you....but I apologized over and over again (Oh I'm so sorry so sorry...laughing nervously) and while most people would laugh with me and say oh, it's OK or even, maybe, not laugh, and say oh, I understand...these evil people shot daggers from their eyes, and I quickly raced home before I spontaneously combusted.

Finally, the coup de grace (well, even if we are reliving it backward, anyway), last year, right after we moved in, for some reason, my husband parked in the driveway overnight. (which is no big deal) Our homeowner's association says that you cannot park in the street overnight, but we did not. This was probably in November. (but regardless..if we did park in the street, which we did not..who really gives a rat's ass?) We get a letter on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve, mind you! Merry Christmas, Bryan and Jen! This is the Homeowner's Association writing you to inform you that one of your neighbors looked through their window at 2:30AM in the morning and saw your car (Lic Plate Number) parked in front of their house. If you do this again, there will be a fine. Real neighborly thing to do since it didn't even happen, since it was the Christmas season, and what the heck were they doing up in the middle of the night peering out of their windows looking for cars? Oh, I need some new friends. I guess they aren't here.

In the words of my favorite childhood icon, Won't you be my neighbor?